How Porn Addicts Watch Porn - Day 44

I assume most people without an addiction to Porn sit down with a partner and watch a movie. Maybe somewhere along the way they stop watching the movie and focus on each other. After the movie is over, they may not watch another one for weeks or months later. There may be no desire to go back and watch more because it was just something to do at the moment; a special occasion kind of thing.

I can only speak for myself but it’s different from this addict’s point of view. On times before, when I was attempting to quit porn, having sex with my wife would cause a greater desire to watch porn the next day. Thinking about the act of sex would want me to watch more sex.

So, there I would sit at my computer watching porn. Again, someone else may sit down and watch a movie or scene and then would be done with it. For me it would be different. First, I would go to Google and do a video search with some keywords like “Interracial Anal” “Public Anal Sex” or “Monster Cock Teen Anal.” This brings back 100s of results for each one.

Tangent - As I mentioned before, I’m not in to kids. Teen searches bring back results of woman that are 18 to 24 years old. I assume this is due to Federal law and any large porn site coming up on Google is going to be legit. This filters out looking at old has-been porn stars which lack much to be desired.  When you do these searches you’ll notice a message at the bottom saying some sites have been removed in accordance with U.S. law. A woman who looks innocent has more impact than someone who looks like they are bored with the whole thing. Actresses who act like it’s their first time do very well.

Why all the anal? I’m not totally sure. I just knew it turned me on more. I think it has more to do with the woman being totally unreserved in their actions. Maybe it’s part of my Paraphilia. There’s a process here when it comes to extremes.  Let me explain by example. All women have a choice on whether they will give blow jobs. I assume most will and some will not. I figure only about half who do give blow jobs will swallow. Out of that percentage, fewer still will like it. Right or wrong, I feel a woman who gives blow jobs is more exciting than one who doesn’t. A woman who swallows is more exciting than one who won’t.  A woman who loves to swallow is more exciting than a woman who just does it because it makes the guy happy. So, the same goes with sex. Regular sex is good. Anal sex is better and a woman who loves anal sex is even better.

By the way, I did read in a psychology study once that woman who won’t swallow send a signal of rejection to their man. It may not be intentional but you are still rejecting a part of him. You can say it’s not true all you want but I believe the study was 100% correct.

By the way guys, if you are not bringing your woman to orgasm with your mouth, you are probably missing the boat. According to www.sogc.org/, two-thirds of women don’t reach orgasm during normal intercourse. If you are not willing to eat at the Y, then hopefully she masturbates while you do your thing; which by the way is hot as hell. But seriously, do you want her to have to continue to do the work for both of you at the same time? I wish I could go back and apologize to the first few girlfriends I had. What a shame.

Back on topic – After having all these search results, I would go through and “control +click” on all the ones that looked promising. This opens them in new tabs on my browser. This way I don’t lose track of where I am on the search results. I would normally open about 20 at a time.

At this point, I would start scanning through the scenes looking for things I like the most. After 1000s of hours, going through porn sites, you can scan through a scene very fast to determine if it has what you like or not. The ones I didn’t like or didn’t “qualify” as good enough were closed in disgust. After an hour or two of this, I’ve been through dozens of scenes and narrowed it down to a few good ones.

Once I’m down to the final few, I would pick the one I like the best to get me off.

I have a feeling this is a good indication of what other addicts go through. So, if there is anyone out there who has caught their spouse with one picture or file on their computer, you should probably realize the problem can be much more serious than you think. 

What is Paraphilia - Day 29

What is Paraphilia? According to Wikipedia, “Paraphilia is sexual arousal to objects, situations, or individuals that are not part of normative stimulation and that may cause distress or serious problems for the paraphiliac or those associated with them." 

In my opinion, porn increases the likelihood of a person developing Paraphilia. As a person starts to live a lifestyle of constant porn it takes more and more for the person to reach the same highs. In order to do this, the addict often has to resort to more extreme scenes than the ones he previously enjoyed. Many common themes with paraphilia are: women using increasingly larger objects to penetrate themselves, increased degrees of BDSM, a desire to see woman used in more humiliating ways than before, and searching out younger and younger actresses.

Each one of these comes with problems. First off, the addict expects their partners to act out the scenes he sees in porn. This is an unnatural expectation of someone within the normal social moral code. When the expectations are not met, this can lead to resentment from the addict due to not having their expectations met. 

In some cases, the extremes reach their own boundaries. For example, my version of Paraphilia went into two directions; one of which was public sex. There are only so few women that are willing to have all out sex in public and have it on tape. (Yes, I understand there are thousands of public sex scenes but if it wasn't a certain way then it didn't qualify to me.) Therefore it would become increasingly harder to find the next best scene. This would lead to more porn watching in order to find it. 

Worse yet, some of these categories can lead to illegal activities and crimes against our moral codes as a society. For example, many long term porn addicts will turn to either gay or child alternatives. I thank God I never went in these directions; not that my issues were any better. However, this is a natural progression for some porn addicts. A person may start down the road of porn addiction only looking for standard sex between a man and a woman. However, over years of exposure the lines of what is right and wrong are blurred. The addict will tell himself there is nothing wrong with just watching as long as he is not doing. The sad part is quite often this will lead to doing if the opportunity presents itself. 

As far as serious problems arising, Jail and ruined relationships are at the top of the list. In addition, some of these extremes can cause serious injuries. 

So, when you mate asks you to do something that seems weird or beyond the norm, shouldn't you be asking yourself where they got the ideas from? As a friend once told me after I told him how good my new girlfriend was at sex, "How do you think she got that way?" Ouch. 

Wives Are Letting Porn Happen - Day 28

I'm sure wives would say they don't let their husbands watch porn. I would disagree. I'm specifically talking about wives who have caught their husbands watching porn and want them to stop. Their lack of action causes them to let the porn watching continue to happen.

If you have asked your husband to stop and he said he wanted too but didn't, then he probably has an addiction. I'm sure you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, addictions aren't conquered that easily. You basically need to catch him again. I promise this is not difficult. It's just like lying. It is hard to do it for long periods of time without slipping up. Read Day 11 for ideas on how to check. The only reason my wife did not catch me more than 3 times in 12 years is because she didn't want to believe it was happening. I believe this is the exact same reason parents can't tell their kids are on drugs.

After the second time, you face him with the truth about his addiction, the ball is in your court. It's important to act at this point. I suggest the following actions.

Demand all access to the Internet be cut. People can live without the Internet. Most companies will keep him away from porn sites at work due to the fear of being fired. He doesn't need a smart phone. Give him one with no Internet. Again, you have to do this immediately upon catching him. If you wait, he'll try to tell you this is unacceptable because he already quit the last time.

Don't leave him alone whenever possible. If you have kids, always make sure one is with him. If you have an alarm system at home, you can use it to your advantage. If you are working and he has time to himself, ask him what he does with him time. If he leaves the house, where does he go and why?

If you know he has friends who are bad influences, demand ties be cut. Does he want to save his marriage or does he want to save his friendships. If he is choosing his friends over you, there are some big problems in your relationship beyond porn.

Get him an accountability partner. I believe you are the best one. If you can't handle it, then find another. Remember, a good accountability partner has to be accountable to asking him if he's been accountable.