Day 4: Free From Porn Addiction - Martial Relationships

Day 4 and all is well. I've heard a few preachers speak about porn addiction. As you can imagine, they didn’t agree with it much. Of course, they would mention the negative effects on Martial Relations. 

Some would mention how their spouse could never live up to the mental images developed in the addicts mind. Porn is full of women who have great bodies and faces. They mention how this made the addict feel their spouses were less attractive. Well, I never lost the fact that my wife is beautiful. I do notice her imperfections but I find it hard to believe this isn't the case with most people, even if, they aren't addicted. 

I personally noticed another negative effect on martial relations. I don't remember reading it anywhere but through personal experience I can't deny it. When I've been at home and spent time watching porn, it would never fail that I would argue with my wife when she arrived home. I don't understand all the psychology about it. I just know it would happen. Even when I figured this out, I would still fail to stay calm. Once I forgot about being careful it would slip. 

When I had lost my job a few years ago, I had stopped watching porn for a while. My family said there was a big change in my attitude. They stated I was more relaxed in life. We all attributed it to me no longer working a job I hated. Now, I'm not so sure. I guess we'll find out soon. I have another job just like the old one. So, that hasn't changed. 

Song for This Day

Day 3: Free From Porn Addiction - Darkness Can Not Hide in the Light

Day 3 is most of the way finished. I'm just logging in to post. I have to be careful, because along with porn addiction, I'm sure I have a case of Internet addiction also. I've always been a little against the grain in this matter. If I watched TV as much as I was online, people would just say I was average. However, now-a-days it seems like people just like to point out whatever they are not doing and call it an addiction.

Anyways, this has been my first day off of work since I started this. These are the most dangerous days. Usually, on Wednesday, I have the day off and tend to be at home alone. Since, it's summertime the family is at home. This helps to keep me honest. There was still a small temptation to run off and hide during the day to get my fix but it was manageable.

The more time you spend with people, who don’t support porn addiction, the better of you will be. Porn, for the most part, is a secretive activity. The less chance you have to hide it, the less chance you have to act on it. This is a good reason to not have locks on your doors at home. If you know someone might come busting in at any moment, it causes you to hesitate. 

Day 2 - The Chains That Bind

"Any act often repeated soon forms a habit; and habit allowed, steady gains in strength, At first it may be but as a spider's web, easily broken through, but if not resisted it soon binds us with chains of steel." - Tryon Edwards

When I was 14, I found a stack of adult magazines in my father's bedroom closet. I found the magazines quite fascinating. This was my introduction to porn and the long road towards porn addiction. If I would have known those magazine would have enslaved me, I wouldn't have touched them. Then again, what does a 14 year old know if he hasn't been told? Then in the mid 80's my family bought one of those huge satellite dishes to get free cable. Unfortunately, there was free porn available also. I used to get home an hour and a half before my parents did. So, I was able to watch these shows without challenge. 

Later, when I joined the military, I found pornography widely accepted. There were times at work where we would watch them while working. I eventually found my way to a video store and took out a membership card.  I ended up recording quite a collection for myself. By the time I was fully online in 1999, I was so far in over my head I didn't know what to do. 

After 28 years of continued input into my brain, the chains of steel have become quite strong indeed. Being free from porn addiction can be very hard indeed. At the moment, I'm looking forward to another successful day. I should be extremely busy today. This always seems to help. 

Song of this Day

Making a Journal - Day 1

Like most  people who have been addicted to porn or anything else for that matter, I'm starting over again. I can't count the amount of times I have tried to stop. Some times it last a day. Some times it last a few months. On the long stretches it seems like the pressures of life cause me to fall. More on why this is on future post. 

One common strategy to beating pornography addiction is to keep a journal. I have never done this in the past, but like a dieter who writes down everything they eat, I can see how this will help. Why do I think journals help? It helps to keep your eye on the prize. Also, it helps you to be honest with yourself.  In addition, since my goal is to be a successful Internet writer, here I am starting a blog about this time around. 

I've grown a lot in the last few months towards other things I've struggled with. I believe this time I will be successful. 

Another strategy is to have people support you along the way. I'm hoping through this journey and this blog I will find others who will join me online the way.  

Video of this Day