Sunday, September 2, 2012

Wives Are Letting Porn Happen - Day 28

I'm sure wives would say they don't let their husbands watch porn. I would disagree. I'm specifically talking about wives who have caught their husbands watching porn and want them to stop. Their lack of action causes them to let the porn watching continue to happen.

If you have asked your husband to stop and he said he wanted too but didn't, then he probably has an addiction. I'm sure you want to give him the benefit of the doubt. However, addictions aren't conquered that easily. You basically need to catch him again. I promise this is not difficult. It's just like lying. It is hard to do it for long periods of time without slipping up. Read Day 11 for ideas on how to check. The only reason my wife did not catch me more than 3 times in 12 years is because she didn't want to believe it was happening. I believe this is the exact same reason parents can't tell their kids are on drugs.

After the second time, you face him with the truth about his addiction, the ball is in your court. It's important to act at this point. I suggest the following actions.

Demand all access to the Internet be cut. People can live without the Internet. Most companies will keep him away from porn sites at work due to the fear of being fired. He doesn't need a smart phone. Give him one with no Internet. Again, you have to do this immediately upon catching him. If you wait, he'll try to tell you this is unacceptable because he already quit the last time.

Don't leave him alone whenever possible. If you have kids, always make sure one is with him. If you have an alarm system at home, you can use it to your advantage. If you are working and he has time to himself, ask him what he does with him time. If he leaves the house, where does he go and why?

If you know he has friends who are bad influences, demand ties be cut. Does he want to save his marriage or does he want to save his friendships. If he is choosing his friends over you, there are some big problems in your relationship beyond porn.

Get him an accountability partner. I believe you are the best one. If you can't handle it, then find another. Remember, a good accountability partner has to be accountable to asking him if he's been accountable.