Sometimes drug tests would come up at work. Even though I was clean for years, I would be scared I would come up positive. Even now 13 years later, there tends to be some doubt in the back of my mind for drug tests. "What is someone put something in my food and I didn't notice it? What if they make a mistake?"
Yesterday, I seemed to go through some of the same issues. I had a dream where I was in a store and they had TVs set up with porn showing on them. The scene is very vivid and weird. Once I saw what was on the TV in my dream, I looked away and made sure I didn't look back. I'm hoping this is a good sign. Maybe my subconscious is making the conscious decision to quit. This could also help to explain why it's easier this time around.
Also, there were a few moments where I doubted I had made progress. It was the same as with the drugs. I know I quit but there were these nagging thoughts; "Did I really quit? Am I sure I didn't fail and I just don't remember." It's amazing the tricks the mind plays when you are breaking an addiction.
If anyone has any idea what causes this, I would love to hear it.
After yesterday's post, I heard this song on the radio. It reminded me of what I read on Jane's Site
