Today is my first day totally alone at home. If I wanted to watch
porn there would be no hiding or trying to sneak off to do it. It's readily
available. I thought for sure today would be the hardest day. This morning on
the way home after dropping the kids off for school there was a moment of
mental fighting. However, it lasted briefly and by the time I came home it was
over. Except for that brief moment, today has been pretty easy.
Maybe the 21 days
did make a huge difference. Of course, it’s all in my mind but in the end
that's what counts anyways. It seems like the timing was perfect. Having people
around me in the beginning helped me stay clear of temptation. Looking back
over everything, I probably should have started at the beginning of the summer.
With my wife, the teacher, and my kids at home, I may have had an easy 3
months. Then again, I am still under the impression we have to quit for our own
reasons and I wasn't ready then.
Jane from http://hisstrugglemystruggle.blogspot.com/ posted on my
blog yesterday. (Thank you.) She's had a hard time dealing with her husband’s
addiction. Although I don't think guys ever truly understand what women go
through in this area, it must be rough. I'll probably never know how much it
hurt my wife. Even today, I'm not sure why it affected her so. If you’re a wife
going through this, check out Jane's blog. Maybe, you'll find some support or
encouragement.
In my opinion, in
order for a husband to understand his wife's pain, there would have to be some
really deep discussions between the husband and the wife. Unfortunately, this
might not be possible. The walls are built and the wounds of mistrust are deep.
The wife does not trust the husband due to the feeling of being cheated on and
the husband does not trust the wife because he's scared too. For example,
the day will come when I will bring up starting the first support group in our
area for porn addiction. I know, even though this is a positive thing, this
topic will probably bring back a whole lot of hurt and she may explode. Who knows?
So for now, even this blog is in secret to her. However, in the end,
I still feel a husband and wife team working on this together is the best
option.
So, what if the
husband doesn't want to or refuses to change? It depends on the person. If I
would have been pushed, I probably just would have left. This is something a
wife has to consider. Personally, if no new influence is coming into his life,
there is a slim chance.
