It takes a long time to gain trust back. In my 14 year marriage,
my wife has found porn on my computer 3 times; 2 pictures and 1 video. Each
time she went ballistic. As I mentioned before, women tend to take this type of
thing personally.
Today, I mentioned
I wanted to volunteer for a project at work. She kept thinking I was hiding
something. When I asked her what she thought I was hiding, she used the word
porn in the example. I wasn't very happy about it. Maybe she thinks I've been
watching porn recently. I don't tell her about this blog because I already know
she would disagree. However, this blog is helping me make real progress. It's
very important to have someone to be honest with and confide in. I tried with
her because I trust her. It was very bad. It was obvious she was hurt and
disapproving. Having someone disapprove of you does not help with
recovery.
I'm sure once 6
months go by and I tell her all is good she'll be happy. So, in a nutshell
it's been about 6 months since the last time she caught me and I can tell
it's still in the back of her mind.
On a side note, my
attitude in life is doing very well. I feel much happier about things and the
small stuff doesn't get to me as much. I've also noticed I have dramatically
cut down on the amount I look at other women. I never wanted to cheat or
anything but I was always comparing everyone.
I should set up a
small reward for myself when I reach 21 days. It's always a good idea to reward
yourself when you accomplish goals. Maybe, I'll treat myself to a movie with
popcorn and soda. That would be nice.
